


Kiss And Make It Better

by Aminte



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Cute, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Good Morgana (Merlin), M/M, Minor Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Step-siblings, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aminte/pseuds/Aminte
Summary: Five times Arthur almost kissed Merlin and one time he actually did.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 228
Collections: Merlin Twitter Summer Exchange





	Kiss And Make It Better

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wlizards](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlizards/gifts).



> This is my gift for wlizards! Hopefully you like it! I had another draft in the works but it turned out a bit angstier than I wanted so this appeared instead!
> 
> When the world is awful, fluff is medicine

** Kiss And Make It Better **

**I. Six years old**

It wasn’t a case of hate at first sight, not exactly.

When Miss Nimueh introduced their new classmate at the beginning of first year he hadn’t cared much.

The new kid was skinny and almost as tall as him, with dark curls, blue eyes and a wide grin. Nothing special.

_Merlin Emrys._

He had taken a seat near Lance, at the back of the classroom and had promptly started talking to him, making the usually polite boy burst out laughing.

After a week, he had managed to befriend most of their class, everyone charmed by his easy smile, quick wit and desire to be helpful.

Arthur took no notice of this.

Those who had gathered around Merlin were what his father called “peasants” and thus, unworthy of his friendship.

Life would’ve continued like that, had a certain incident not happened.

Arthur was indulging with _his_ friends (the obviously superior group) in his favourite pastime of bullying Chris, the janitor’s son.

According to his father, people like him should be put in their place, made aware of their position in life, and he always did as his father said.

He had thrown the ball hard against him, making the weak boy fall straight into the sandpit.

He had laughed and was about to throw another when the new kid stepped in, helping Chris to his feet and then putting himself in between them.

_“Come on, that’s enough” he had said, a small friendly smile in his face that contrasted with his cautious stance_

_“What?” he had asked, already annoyed_

_“You’ve had your fun, my friend”_

_“Do I know you?”_

_“I’m your new classmate, Merlin” he had replied, quirking a questioning eyebrow at him but offering his hand nonetheless_

_“Yeah, so I don’t actually know you” he snapped_

_“I guess not”_

_“Yet you called me friend” Arthur continued, unable to believe the other's audacity to dare to speak to him that way_

_“My mistake. I’d never have a friend who could be such an ass”_

_Arthur tossed the ball straight to his face._

He wished he could say that it had ended there but they kept fighting and being sent to detention.

He didn’t know what it was about Merlin, but suddenly all he could focus on was annoying him. Teasing and prodding and insulting and anything he could come up with to get a rise out of him.

Anyone else would’ve backed down, the name Pendragon making him feared, but not Merlin.

No, Merlin didn’t care that his family had money, that his father was running for Prime Minister or even that Arthur had at least two stones on him and was taking martial arts classes.

He insulted and punched and bit back, giving as good as he got.

Miss Nimueh, exasperated, had forced them to partner for the sports fest as a way to “get to know each other”.

Things were going as expected (badly) when Merlin noticed that Valiant, a boy from second year, was cheating. He convinced Arthur to help him expose the other boy and together, through a series of extremely convoluted events (that somehow ended up including snakes) they had managed to get him disqualified.

Their victory tasted sweet on Arthur’s tongue as he watched one of the teachers escorting Valiant away from the field and grinned, almost maniacally, feeling invincible.

Merlin had returned his smile, wide and just so _happy_ , eyes crinkling endearingly.

The other boy was flushed after all their running around and had managed to dirty himself trying to catch up to Valiant during the last competition. He looked like a mess and still, Arthur couldn’t find him disgusting.

Merlin began throwing snarky remarks about Valiant, hand gestures quick and exuberant.

Arthur was overcome with the sudden desire to peck his cheek, like Morgana did whenever she thought he was being cute.

Merlin was being cute right then.

_Could boys kiss other boys?_

Shaking his head, he stopped Merlin’s babbling by covering his mouth with his hand.

Later, after being declared the winner and begrudgingly admitting to Merlin that ‘he wasn’t so bad’, he kept wondering if Merlin’s cheek was as soft as it looked, if he would’ve smiled, had Arthur kissed it.

**II. Thirteen years old**

“What are your plans for the summer?” asked Merlin, kicking a can as they walked

Arthur glanced at him from the corner of his eyes.

His friend was like a new-born fawn: all long, skinny limbs and barely any coordination. That he could kick the can without tripping should be considered a miracle.

What was it about him that made Arthur unable to look away?

He felt a bony elbow dig into his side and he complained, turning to look at Merlin’s pout.

(If his gaze lingered on it, well, no one had to know. It wasn’t his fault, really. Merlin had very soft looking lips, full and pink. Almost like a girl’s except no girl in their year had lips as pretty as his…)

“What?” he said, rolling his eyes for good measure

“I asked about your plans for the summer, you prat. Are you going to Vivienne’s house at Brighton this year or has your father decided to send you to away to a military summer camp? You always said he would, as soon as you were old enough”

It suddenly hit Arthur that he had known Merlin for seven years already. And that they were close enough that he was on a first name basis with his stepmother. That he trusted him enough to tell him about his father’s ridiculous schemes.

“Honestly” huffed Merlin poking his cheek “You’re the biggest dollophead in this city”

“I thought I was the biggest one in the world?” he quipped, giving his friend an teasing smile

“You’re insufferable” complained Merlin, though his eyes were undoubtedly fond when they looked at him “Here I am, trying to teach you how to socialize like a normal human being and all you do is ignore me. I should be compensated”

Arthur suppressed the grin that threatened to take over his face at Merlin’s antics.

He put his arm around narrow shoulders and pressed his friend close to his side. Not a hug, never that (part of him feared that if he held Merlin too close he wouldn’t be able to let him go).

“Really? I didn’t know you went through such troubles for me. I’m touched” he raised his eyebrow while putting his palm over his heart “ I can't believe your feelings for me run so deep”

Merlin scowled and pushed him away before a mischievous expression took over his face.

“You think you’re all that, don’t you, Pendragon?” he smirked crossing his arms in front of his chest, hip slightly tilted to one side.

“I don’t think I am, I know I am” replied Arthur with a dismissive flick of his wrist

“Well, if His Royal Ass agrees, then we should put that to test, shouldn’t we? Race you to Trafalgar Square. The loser has to buy treats for the winner!”

“You’re on” said Arthur, stretching before getting in position “Hope you’ve saved from your allowance because I’m feeling hungry”

“Don’t be so sure” replied Merlin, patting him on the shoulder patronizingly “With a fat head like yours you won’t be able to run more than a minute”

They taunted each other a bit more before going off, each trying their best to outrun the other. While Arthur had a better condition from playing sports, not even he could match Merlin’s infernal pace, his long legs taking him further and further from Arthur, zigzagging through groups of tourists and businesspeople, a flash of dark hair and their school uniform.

In the end, by the time Arthur had reached Trafalgar Square, Merlin was already seated near one of the lions, feet dangling casually as he leaned back and stared at the sky.

Arthur hated to admit defeat but Merlin insisted and, say what you will but Arthur was a gentleman. What else could he do but buy whatever sweets his friend happened to want? (Nothing to do with the sparkle in Merlin's eyes whenever he received them)

They walked towards Merlin’s flat.

It had been Arthur’s idea. They could’ve easily taken the tube towards Borough Station and then walked a bit. It wouldn’t have taken more than 20 minutes, if that.

But he hadn’t wanted the day to end, he hadn’t wanted to say goodbye yet.

So, they made their way to Southwark, talking and talking, only stopping to buy Merlin more sweets.

Sunset found them eating ice cream and staring at the Thames.

They were near Merlin’s flat, they should’ve kept walking but, without saying anything, they got near the railings to look at the old river while they finished their cones.

The sun’s dying rays painted Merlin’s face in warm orange tones, making the golden flecks in his eyes shine and the flush on his cheekbones turn an enticing shade of pink. He looked both terribly young and incomprehensibly old, with his gaze fixed upon the flowing waters and Arthur’s heart started beating faster.

He wished he was a photographer, a good one, so he could capture Merlin just like that.

He tried to raise his mobile to take a picture, fingers trembling, but the movement snapped his friend from his reverie and made him turn to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked softly, almost like a whisper

Arthur moved, without any conscious thought.

He only knew that he wanted to get a better look, to study the creature in front of him.

Merlin had a certain charm, he thought, with the sharp angles of his face softened by the fullness of his lips. Not quite masculine, not quite feminine. Something entirely, uniquely, his.

Did Merlin move too?

They were so close he could see the way his eyelashes casted the slightest shadows in the dimming light.

“I…” breathed Arthur, he kept moving closer as if in a trance, time slowing down as if trying to swim through molasses

“Yes, Arthur?” asked Merlin, the deepening tones of his voice, warm and gentle like a caress

He looked into his friend’s eyes, stormy blue bright and beguiling.

And all of the sudden, he was aware of how close they were, close enough to push his mouth to Merlin’s…close enough to…

_‘Was I about to kiss him?!’_

Bewildered, embarrassed and more than a little scared he jumped back, taking his distance. He gave a hasty excuse about the hour and that he should really go home now, it was getting dark already and…and…and…

He turned and ran away, leaving Merlin to stare at his retreating back.

**III. Eighteen years old**

Brighton Beach was a summer essential, Vivienne always said.

Arthur could agree with the sentiment.

His stepmother had been kind enough to offer her house, even if that had started another fight with his father.

It had taken weeks of wheedling and bargaining with his father to let him go with his mates. In the end, Uther had agreed on two conditions: no alcohol and they had to take Morgana with them.

To the first one he could agree (lies) but to the second? It was nothing against his stepsister, even though she was a meddling witch, but he really wanted to have this with his friends, now that they were about to go their separate ways.

Elyan gave him the solution: he would bring his sister, Guinevere, with him. She was the same age as Morgana and apparently really sweet (not that Arthur would know since Gwen always stuttered around him) so she could distract his stepsister.

With this arrangement, their last summer before Uni began.

Their days were filled with ridiculous amounts of unhealthy food, playing by the beach and swimming.

Even Merlin, pale as he was, was getting a nice tan from all the exposure to the sun.

Arthur glanced at him from behind his sunglasses, eyes following him while he chased Gwaine around, their laughter barely identifiable between the cacophony of voices.

“He’s changed quite a bit, don’t you think?” commented Lancelot beside him, taking a sip from his water bottle before offering it to Arthur

“Who?” he asked, as nonchalant as he could

“Merlin” replied his friend, dark eyes fixed on the sparkling waves

“What do you mean, he’s still an idiot” replied Arthur

“Come on, I know you’re not the most perceptive of blokes but even you must’ve noticed”

“What? That he’s kept his hair longer? I already noticed and told him that it looked like he had seaweed hair”

Lancelot huffed in exasperation.

“Not that, I’m talking about his…uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but haven’t you looked at Merlin’s body at all?”

“What? Of course not!”

(Of course he had. He couldn’t help it. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that his best friend had apparently developed muscles overnight. It had nothing to do with how good Merlin looked when coming out of the sea after a swim, chest glistening with little droplets of water, moving lower and lower...)

"Right" said Lance rolling his eyes "Anyway, all the lifting and carrying he's been doing for Gaius seem to have paid off. He's got better abs than Gwaine"

"Who's got better abs than Gwaine?" asked Percival, taking a seat on Lancelot's other side, pushing him until he got at least a bit covered by their parasol

"Apparently Merlin" snorted Arthur

"Oh yeah, definitely" agreed Perce with a nod "he's got a better arse too"

Arthur choked on his spit

"Are we seriously going to talk about Merlin's arse?" he complained, an uncomfortable heat creeping through his face

"Why not? Merlin's a fit bloke. It's not our fault that you haven't noticed" shrugged Perce taking the water bottle from Lancelot "Hey, do you guys want to join me and Elyan in a little volleyball match?"

Arthur's team lost.

He was distracted, he could admit that to himself. Percival's words kept floating around his mind during their volleyball match and as soon as Gwaine and Merlin joined them, he simply couldn't concentrate. 

It wasn't that he hadn't noticed Merlin's charms before.

He wasn't blind (or deaf, not to hear the excited whispers of girls whenever they were near them). 

Merlin was _pretty_. 

So were other people, no need to fuss over his best friend.

(But other people didn't have eyes that blue or cheekbones that sharp, or fingers that elegant, or a neck that smooth...)

Maybe the gods had something against him because Gwaine had decided that they should play strip poker that night.

After making sure that Morgana and Gwen were in their room watching a film, Gwaine had prompted them to open their beers and start playing.

It was fun, right?

Watching his friends make fools of themselves, taking their socks off while smooth r&b played on one of their mobiles.

He should be glad, really, that both Merlin and him were good at card games, being the only ones that still had their shirts on.

And then, Merlin had lost.

The rest of the group cheered and wolf-whistled and as soon as Merlin grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, time seemed to slow down.

Arthur forgot how to breathe.

Merlin's skin was smooth and slightly golden, tight over the hard muscles of his stomach and chest. His collarbones were highlighted by the light that shone above him. Since when did he have such toned biceps anyway? Why did he feel so heated? Was he the only one?

_Why was Merlin looking at him?_

Merlin dropped his shirt and time resumed.

Arthur got up and said he needed air, the rest of his mates protesting but he didn't care.

As soon as the sea breeze hit his face he felt a little better, though he could still feel his heartbeat crashing against his ribcage, pulse quick and unsteady.

He tried to relax but failed when he noticed another body coming near him.

Merlin.

"How are you feeling?" he asked bumping his shoulder against his

He hadn't put his shirt back on and the contact set his body aflame again.

"I don't know" he shrugged

"You look flushed, maybe you caught a fever?"

And without any warning Merlin moved him so he could rest his forehead against his.

"You are feeling a bit too warm" he muttered, eyes closed

"It's summer" he answered dumbly

Merlin opened his eyes, something wild burning in them

"Is that all?"

Arthur felt that they weren't talking about fevers anymore, that this was another question entirely.

And Merlin was there, body highlighted by the moonlight, flawless and statuesque, and he looked like everything Arthur had ever wanted and needed without knowing.

His blood buzzed in his ears.

It would be easy, he thought recklessly, to grab him and kiss him senseless.

He pulled Merlin towards him, the other offering no resistance.

They stared at each other. 

They had known each other for over ten years. Merlin was his best friend. The person he trusted the most. And he wanted to kiss him, more than he had ever wanted to kiss anyone before.

The intensity of the feeling startled him, affection and lust warring inside him.

He let go of Merlin's arms.

"I...I need to..."

He walked away and went up the stairs.

Of all the things Morgana could've been right about, it had to be his feelings for Merlin.

He opened the door to her room without knocking, only to find Gwen and his sister snogging on the floor without care.

He closed the door.

The next morning Merlin had asked him how he felt, if he didn't catch a cold after all. His expression was impossible to read and, not for the first time, Arthur wondered if he had done something wrong, if Merlin was angry.

Faking a lightness he no longer felt, he took a mug from the cupboard before seating next to Lance. 

"Nah, I just felt a little weird. Maybe it was the beer"

"Maybe" 

**IV. Twenty years old**

Call if fate or chance but apparently, Arthur was never going to get rid of Merlin.

Even when their other friends had gone to different places, both Arthur and Merlin had been admitted to the same Uni.

Two years in and more than a few all nighters after, they could finally celebrate surviving finals.

Someone had the idea of throwing a party and the whole student residency agreed to use the common room for it. Merlin convinced Arthur to help with the decorations, even though he thought it was useless to put anything up if everyone would end up too drunk to appreciate it.

But being able to spend time together without the pressure of exams and deadlines made everything better. Even if they shared one of the double rooms, they had barely interacted during the last two weeks, each immersed in their own course work.

It had been days since the last time Arthur had heard Merlin truly laugh. 

He hadn’t know he would miss it so much until the sound completely disappeared from his life.

They kept decorating, trading barbs and bantering.

“You’re very comfortable with each other” commented Elena as she offered them some orange juice for their troubles

“Well, we’ve been friends for what seems eternity” shrugged Arthur

“Fourteen years in September!” Merin chimed in with a grin on his tired face

“Fourteen years! That’s a lot! You two are extremely lucky” enthused Elena 

“Yes, we are” 

The party was great.

He had danced and drank to his heart's content, always keeping an eye on Merlin, fully aware of how a lightweight his friend was.

After a few hours, he found himself seated between Merlin and Mordred, the creepy boy from their Philosophy class who always stared at Merlin with disturbing intensity.

They were talking about some thing or the other when Merlin started to doze off, his head slipping from the couch's armrest and ending up against his chest.

Arthur shook his head fondly and took Merlin to their room. He helped the other to get on his back and held onto the back of his legs while his friend hang his arms around his shoulders and let his head rest near his own.

He waved goodbye to Mordred, trying his best not to smile to his face and then he was off. 

Merlin was heavier than he looked, Arthur thought as he kept going up the stairs that separated them from their room, he didn’t know he did it. He was aware, of course, that Merlin was all lean muscle, but still, he shouldn’t be that heavy.

Finally, he managed to reach their place and carefully laid him on his bed.

He took Merlin's shoes off and pulled the sheets over him so he wouldn't get cold.

He should've gone to his own bed to sleep, knackered as he was. But instead, he sat near his slumbering friend.

Arthur ran his fingers through his messy curls, gently scratching his scalp, the way he knew he liked it.

They _were_ comfortable with each other, weren’t they? There was no one else he would touch as casually as he did Merlin.

Then again, no one meant as much to him.

Some dark, hidden side of him had expected Merlin to get tired of him. Sooner or later, Merlin would get fed up all of his flaws and decide that he simply couldn’t continue dealing with him.

He’d never say it but in the deepest corners of his heart, he thought that maybe Merlin was too good for him.

Sure, he was Arthur Pendragon, he was rich, young and handsome. He played sports and won football matches. He got good grades. He was well bred.

But behind the perfect exterior his circumstances had forced him to maintain, there was the real him. And the real him wasn't that pretty.

He was too insecure, unsure of whether to follow his own heart or do as his father expected him to. He had a really bad temper, which usually caused him to lash out at those closest to him. He would shout and throw things and then refuse to apologize, because his pride wouldn’t let him admit how wrong he was. He refused to listen to anyone’s advice.

Merlin always said that he was selfish and was too full of himself, too cocky. That he needed to learn that other people’s point of view could be valuable.

He also said that he was too gullible though, as if trying to overcompensate his distrust.

All in all, he was a right mess.

If one day Merlin decided that he’d had enough…could he really blame him?

He stared at his friend’s sleeping face.

The tips of his lashes rested near his cheekbones and his brow was smooth and finally free of worries. Dark circles underlined his eyes, fruit of countless sleepless nights cramming for finals. His lips were slightly parted, letting sleepy sighs free.

It wasn’t fair, Arthur thought, that even asleep Merlin looked tempting.

He inclined a little, getting closer.

Maybe…just this once…Merlin wouldn’t even know.

Nothing had to change.

He stopped a breath away from Merlin’s lush lips.

He couldn’t do that to his best friend.

Merlin stirred, moving and curling the blankets around him like a cocoon.

Arthur gave him a fond smile before resuming his petting, the hugeness of what he had been about to do making his mouth dry.

“You don’t know how much I care about you, do you, Merlin?” he asked softly

That he cared enough about him not to take what he wanted, just in case Merlin didn’t want the same.

Merlin, of course, didn’t answer.

But even if he had heard him, what could he say?

If he knew the extent of Arthur’s feelings…would he still be his friend? Could they keep being close? Or would that be the end of everything?

A sudden, terrible fear filled him, like a cold hand squeezing his heart.

What if he lost Merlin?

What would he do then?

He had to keep himself in check, difficult as it was.

Sometimes he felt like he would burst from all the words and feelings he kept hidden inside his chest.

The urge to confess them, to offer them to Merlin, almost too much to handle.

But he resisted.

He had to.

“I could deal with losing everyone else. Not you. Never you. Please, never leave me”

Merlin’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze unfocused.

His eyes finally settled on Arthur and he raised his hand to cup his cheek.

“What’re you doing awake?” he whispered, voice rough with sleep

Arthur shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter”

Merlin rose a little and wrapped his arms around his neck in a loose embrace, his hair tickling his cheek and his lips grazing his ear, his breath sending chills down his spine as he whispered to him

“You don’t have to look so sad; I’ll never leave you. Even if you’re a giant, pompous, dollopead”

He stiffened and didn’t return the hug, his mind going blank.

The only thing he was aware of was his warmth surrounding him. The faint smell of cigarettes and citrus shampoo on his hair, the exact pressure of his body against his own and the soft lullaby of his heartbeat, all things just so… _Merlin_.

His chest tightened painfully.

“Go back to sleep, Merls”

Merlin gave him a sleepy nod and curled back into his nest of blankets.

Arthur sighed.

He didn't know how long he could keep this up. 

**V. Twenty-five years old**

“Are you sure about this?” asked Arthur admiring the view from his balcony

His sister shot him a small smile, blood-red lips curving softly.

“More than about anything I’ve ever done”

Arthur could at least say that she looked like it. The Morgana that stood beside him had an air of quiet steadiness that hadn’t been there before, the way her body rested against the railing relaxed, as if she knew that the world was right for once.

“Marriage is a big deal, though” he continued, because no matter how supportive he was, he wanted to make sure that Morgana knew what she was getting into. One divorce in the family was enough.

“I’m aware. But, Arthur” she answered, turning towards him, eyes tender and bright “Gwen…she is it for me. I think I’ve always known. Since the moment we met, she’s been the one. No one has ever made me feel the way she does. When I’m with her…I feel like I’m finally home” she took his hands in hers and gave them a squeeze “You understand that, right?”

Merlin’s face flashed in his mind, his grin wide and eyes alight with laughter.

His chest constricted almost painfully.

“Yeah, I understand”

Morgana pulled him towards her and hugged him.

“I’m so happy it’s scary” she chuckled in his ear “But I’m sure this is the best decision of my life”

Arthur took her head and let it rest in his shoulder, gently running his fingers through the dark locks.

“I’m sorry about Father” he muttered

Uther Pendragon had always wanted his daughter to marry. It was something he thought was a given.

But Uther had wanted someone wealthier, and male, none of which Guinevere was.

Arthur had seen his father angry before and everyone in the Pendragon household knew to mind his temper, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the sheer fury and disgust that he displayed when Morgana gave him the news.

All in all, being disinherited seemed like a blessing

"Don't be" she reassured him "My Mother's going to come. And of course, the whole lot are invited too"

Arthur snorted and they separated.

"You're aware that Gwaine's going to be Gwaine, right?"

"I don't think he's ever learned how to behave"

The siblings kept talking until Morgana decided it was time to go back to her _fiancée_ .

The loneliness of his flat seemed all the more apparent after she left.

The day of the wedding the sun shone bright and the air was crisp and sweet smelling, a proper spring day.

Both Morgana and Gwen looked beautiful in their wedding gowns and matching smiles.

Arthur walked Morgana to the aisle, while Elyan walked Guinevere. He swore he didn't cry but no one believed him.

Vows were said, rings exchanged and a film-like kiss shared in front of the guests who cheered for them and their happiness.

During dinner, Arthur gave his speech in place of his father, followed by Elyan and then, surprisingly, by Merlin.

"We're gathered here today to celebrate not only love, but to praise the courage needed to pursue it. I've known Gwen and Morgana most of my life, though for different reasons, and if someone had told me that they would end up falling in love I wouldn't have believed it. Gwen, as I knew her, was shy and a bit awkward and Morgana...well...she was a right terror back then! " The guests laughed at his words and Morgana raised her glass proudly "But they did, despite their differences. And something wonderful and unexpected happened. For all their fears and insecurities, for all that there were people against them, they never gave up on each other and their love. It would've been easier, I think, to let go, to forget. Love is a frightening thing, after all, even without considering their circumstances. But they persisted. And now they get to live their happily ever after. I know you will continue being beside the other, for better or for worse, and that you'll build a marvelous life together, now as wives. You deserve every blessing there is and for all that it's worth, here's mine: may the meaning of this hour be fulfilled through the days and years to come. With that said, merry met, and merry part, I drink to thee with all my heart!" he raised his own glass in a toast followed soon by the rest of the guests.

After everyone had eaten and the cake had been cut, it was time for the brides to throw their bouquets.

One of the hotel's staff that was working as the host rounded up the guests and started the countdown. First it was Gwen's bouquet, which was caught by Percival, to everyone's amusement. And then it was Morgana's turn. Both men and women ran trying to catch it but it landed neatly at Merlin's unsuspecting feet. He lifted the bouquet and then blushed, realizing that everyone had their attention on him. He raised the bouquet with a shy smile and the brides and guests clapped.

After the customary waltz, the dj put on some club music and the rest of the people went to the dancefloor, merrily (and sloppily) dancing around.

Arthur stayed in his seat, drinking champagne.

He was happy for Morgana. She glowed with happiness and no one could doubt she loved her wife. It was obvious in the way they held each other, in how they moved together as they danced. But at the same time, it made him feel lonelier than he had expected. He tried not to give it much thought but the truth was that he wanted the same. He wanted to hold the person he loved, to show everyone how lucky they were to have found each other. 

He searched for Merlin with his eyes and found him at another table, gaze fixed on the bouquet in his hands. He was carefully touching one of the rose's petals when Arthur approached him.

"What are you doing here moping like a loser?" he asked, bumping their shoulders

"Shut up, I'm not moping"

"Sulking then"

"They're synonyms, idiot"

"Whatever, Merlin, that's not the point" Arthur took a drink from his glass " Seriously, what are you doing here alone? I thought you'd be the first on the dancefloor"

Merlin's eyelids dropped to half mast as he inspected the flowers.

"I just...I was wondering, if maybe grabbing the bouquet was a sign"

"Well, supposedly the maiden who catches it will be the next one to marry, but you're not a woman, no matter how much you act like one"

"Very funny"

"Come on" said Arthur standing up and offering his hand "Time to stop moping and start dancing"

None of them were terribly good dancers and probably looked quite ridiculous but Arthur didn't care at all, he was enjoying himself too much to even think about others. Merlin was there with him, moving with his usual lack of grace and having the time of his life jumping and stepping to the music. Arthur grabbed his hand and spinned him, making Merlin laugh. His cheeks flushed and his eyes crinkled and Arthur felt his heart swell. He never felt as good as when he had made Merlin laugh that silly, adorable laugh of his. Suddenly, the music changed pace, turning from the beats of popular pop songs to a ballad.

All around them, couples got closer, holding on to their partners as they swayed to the gentle notes.

Arthur and Merlin stared at each other.

"Do you want to..."

"Yeah...sure"

With his heart in his throat, he put his hand on Merlin's waist as his friend put his own hand on his shoulder.

They started dancing.

Arthur tried his best to keep his distance and their movements were stiff, almost as if they were strangers instead of lifelong friends. 

"Why did we take the waltzing position?" asked Merlin under his breath

"I don't know, it's the only dance I've actually practiced"

"Yeah, you're an awful dancer"

"Hey speak for yourself! As if you could call that flailing around dancing"

They grinned at each other as the previous tension melted away.

Arthur's gaze softened as he glanced at Merlin.

Usually he didn't care much about his appearance but he had obviously made an effort for his friends' wedding. He wore a navy blue suit that fitted him like a glove with a matching bowtie. His hair had been combed and probably sprayed with some hair product to make the normally riotous curls stay in place. They were close enough that he could count the faint freckles that dotted his friend's nose and smell his cologne.

Even if Merlin was his best friend, they had never touched much, he thought.

Uther was averse to physical displays of affection and Arthur had grown up with a complex relationship with touching and being touched. 

But this, having Merlin this close, it felt right.

He remembered Morgana's words, about Gwen feeling like home.

He had never put his feelings for Merlin into words, afraid that giving them a name would make them inescapable, impossible to hide again. But he could admit, if only to himself, that it was exactly that. 

Merlin was home.

It was the way that no matter how, he always managed to calm him. In the way his eyes turned into small crescent moons when he smiled, in the warmth of his touch, light and fleeting as it usually was.

Merlin rested his forehead against his.

"I’m glad you convinced me to dance" he whispered

“I’m glad you accepted” he whispered back

Their noses brushed together, a question.

Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes, their blue as familiar and fascinating as they had always been.

He couldn’t read what was in them.

It was like suddenly forgetting a word, he had the answer in the tip of his tongue, but it continued to elude him.

Merlin rubbed his thumb against his neck.

“Arthur”

Why did he keep saying his name like that? As if it meant something, each mellow note inviting.

He could feel it, taut like a violin string, the tension that continuously appeared between them when they were close. The inescapable pull of Merlin’s gravity.

His throat constricted.

He couldn’t.

As much as he wanted to move those last centimetres and capture his lips, to hold onto him and claim him for everyone to see.

He couldn’t.

He gently let go of Merlin’s waist.

“Arthur?”

He shook his head and without looking back, he disappeared between the rest of the couples.

Gwen found Merlin sitting in the stone steps of the hall, crumpling a paper napkin and tearing it apart.

“Merlin? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the party?” she asked, lifting the heavy skirts of her wedding gown so she could sit next to her friend

“I don’t like slow dances” he grumbled

“Oh, but they changed the music ages ago. Why don’t you come back with me? You can dance with me and Morgana”

To this Merlin gave a humourless chuckle.

“Gwen, this is your wedding and Morgana is your wife. As much as I appreciate the sentiment I couldn’t possibly get in the middle. Besides, you know that I’m not the best dancer and that I’m likely to step on either of your skirts or toes and cause an accident”

“Well, I still remember that time at the Pendragon’s Christmas Ball” she giggled at the memory

“You promised you wouldn’t bring it up anymore!” he complained, though a smile started curving his lips

They stayed in silence for a few moments, Gwen studying her friend’s face.

Whatever was bothering him it wasn’t anything small, if it were, he would be able to shake it off.

“You should go back to your wife, you know” he said with a sigh

“Are you sure? I don’t mind skipping a song or two” she insisted

“Gwen, I know what you’re trying to do and I love you for it, but I’ll be fine, I swear. I just need some time alone to think. I’ll be back to the party soon”

Merlin got up and helped Gwen do the same.

They shared a hug before Gwen left.

Merlin watched her go before stretching his arms.

Staying there wouldn’t do anyone any good.

If Arthur thought he could get away with constantly leaving, then he had another thing coming.

**V+I. Two hours later**

"There you are!" panted Merlin, resting his hands on his knees "I've been searching for you everywhere!"

Arthur didn't turn to look at him, but his shoulders sagged in defeat.

"Well, you found me" he muttered, playing with the wine on his glass

Merlin grabbed his shoulders and turned him forcefully until they were eye to eye.

"How long are you planning to do this, Arthur?"

"How long am I what?" he blinked, baffled

"Are you always going to run from me?"

"I've never ran from you" he mumbled

"Bollocks" spat Merlin, squeezing his shoulders harder "You've always done so. Ever since that day near London Bridge, when we were thirteen. You've always ran away from this"

Arthur's eyes widened and his pulse quickened, making it hard to breathe.

"And what would _this_ be?" he asked, because denial was a hard habit to break and the chances of getting it wrong, of ruining everything, were too high

Merlin looked ready to murder him. Arthur would've risked a joke about how cute he looked when he was mad but he wasn't sure that Merlin wouldn't hit him.

"This, you complete and utter prat, _us_. The thing between you and me. The one we've never been able to properly name because you've never dared to. Because you've never let me. I'm tired. I can't...I can't be the only one keeping this feeling, I don't want to be. Don't you realize, you dollophead, that I can't tell you, properly tell you, if you won't let me? Please, just this once, let it be out in the open"

Arthur nodded, dumbfounded.

Merlin's hands slid from his shoulders to his own hands, holding them tightly.

He took a shuddering breath and stared at him, his eyes piercing.

"I love you, Arthur. I always have. Don't ask me why I started or how, because I really can't remember. All I know is that I love you. With all your flaws and virtues. I love you when you give your all to help others, I love you when you care, I love you when you're tired after a footie match, gods, I even love you when you complain about other drivers. I've loved you for so long, I can't even imagine myself loving someone else. But..." he swallowed, and his grip tightened even more, his fingers digging painfully into his "I can't be the only one. I think...I hope that you feel the same...but even if you do, it means nothing if you won't dare to act on it. I don't want to be love or be loved in silence. You have to make a choice"

Arthur could feel his heart beating in every part of his body even in his numbing fingers.

He felt like he was being submerged in water, his body weightless and slowed down. He was sinking.

All he knew, all he could understand was that Merlin loved him.

Merlin loved him.

 _Merlin loved him_.

He felt like laughing and crying and screaming and running and crying again.

Because Merlin had said that he had always loved him and how did he never notice?

No, Merlin was right.

He had noticed. 

Because Merlin was always there, caring for him in a way no one else did. He was his most enthusiastic supporter and biggest critic. Merlin would never hear him say anything bad about himself but neither did he let him get too cocky. He kept him dreaming but with his feet firmly planted on the earth.

But most of all, even when they were children and the complexities of life hadn't caught up to them yet, Merlin had pushed him to be the best version of himself. He had believed that Arthur could be something more than just a prat, more than his father's puppet. He had challenged him and forced him to acknowledge his worth, and in turn, the worth of others that he had deemed undeserving before. 

Merlin had told him once, during those weeks at Brighton, that even when he was a cabbagehead, that he could see the man he would be shining inside him and he had known that he would do everything he could to deserve that faith.

He wished he had had the words to say that Merlin shone too, not only with potential, but just as he was.

He had always shined.

Even then, when he seemed sick and his hand was trembling, oh how he shone.

"You have to say something" he whispered

"I'm trying to!" he said

Merlin made to take his hand back but Arthur grabbed it and laced their fingers

"I'm trying to find the right words because...because you're right, about this. About us. I was so blinded by my own fear and my own hurt that I never stopped to think that I could be hurting you too. I thought...I thought I was protecting us. I wasn't sure I could ever have you as a lover...but I could always keep you as my friend. Merlin, you don't know how much you mean to me. If I were to lose you...I don't know what I would do. So I tried to keep it a secret, so this feeling could be safe. So you never had an excuse to leave me. You always say I'm too selfish. Maybe I am. But this love...and you, you're too precious for me. How could I risk it? It isn't that I don't love you...because...because _I do._ If you wanted to hear it , now I'm saying it. I love you. It took me a while to realize but there has never been a day that I haven't been in love with you. And if you want to, if you're sure, then...we can be more. I want us to be more. Just promise me this, no matter what happens, you won't distance yourself from me"

Merlin's jaw dropped and he blushed a worrying shade of red. He took a step closer to Arthur, his whole body quivering.

Arthur could make out tears in his eyes.

"Why would I do that, you dollophead" he sobbed "I don't think I could ever let you go, even if I wanted to"

"You've always been such a crybaby" said Arthur, wiping the stray tears that had escaped Merlin's eyes

"Shut up! I'm overwhelmed!"

"I know, I am too" he replied, raising his other hand so Merlin could see how it was shaking "I think that I might collapse"

They moved until they were sitting below a tree, holding hands.

"I can't believe this is actually happening" said Merlin, biting his lip 

"I always thought you were the bravest man I've ever known" sighed Arthur "You proved that tonight. You were brave for both us for a long time, but now it's my turn. I promise you, I'll be the best boyfriend you could ask for"

"Don't make promises you can't keep" chuckled Merlin "I don't want some fantasy version, I want you as you are. Though if you feel inclined to buy me chocolates now and then, I won't complain"

And that was such a Merlin thing to say that Arthur felt like he could burst from the surge of love he felt for the other man.

Before he could stop himself he pulled Merlin to him and embraced him, trapping him within his arms, vowing to never let go.

Pressed together like that he could feel Merlin's heart, beating in tandem with his own. And the warmth of his breath against his ears.

In all their years together, they had never hugged, and the feeling of his body against his was better than he could've imagined.

Merlin moved away a little, a coy yet daring smile curving his lips.

"Well?"

"What?"

"Are you finally going to kiss me or not?"

And Arthur couldn’t control himself anymore.

He moved forward, his lips crashing against Merlin’s, kissing him for all he was worth.

He cupped Merlin’s jaw, pulling him even closer and coaxing his lips to open for him.

Merlin let out a soft moan and their tongues tangled, caressing and teasing each other.

Arthur could feel his heartbeat buzzing in his ears, the rush of blood and the need for _more more more_ the only thing in his mind.

He had waited so long for this, had wasted so much time, and now that he had the chance, he was going to make the most of it.

Merlin moved until he was sitting in his lap, his arms settling around his shoulder, nimble fingers playing with the hairs in his neck.

Arthur moved his hands to Merlin's back, pulling him even closer.

Their kissing got messier, more desperate.

Arthur's lips moved from his mouth, to his jawline and then, when he noticed that the shirt's collar was in the way, he ripped Merlin's bowtie off and unbuttoned part of his shirt, deciding that nothing should stand between him and his mission to finally bite Merlin's neck as he had wanted since he was eighteen years old.

The moment he sinked his teeth on the smooth skin Merlin let out a whine that was positively sinful. He lavished the bite with his tongue, making his way back to his lover's lips. He moved his hands to his hips, and how good it felt to finally do so, to grab him and keep him there, to feel like it was real.

As they kissed, Merlin rolled his hips against his and then it was Arthur who was moaning, the heat between them burning and dizzying.

He had to kiss Merlin deeper, swallow his moans and whines and sighs. He had to keep touching him. 

It was like a fever dream he wished he'd never wake up from.

He had just reached for Merlin's arse when someone coughed.

"Excuse me" said the hotel's employee "Look, I know that's almost traditional to shag during weddings but could you please take it somewhere else? I absolutely don't want to clean the mess you'll leave after, so"

Arthur and Merlin separated and promptly excused themselves, hastily trying to tidy up as they went.

They stopped by the men's bathroom and Arthur felt his chest puff with pride.

Merlin looked thoroughly debauched and it suited him.

His dark curls, which had been carefully styled during the reception, were now messy in a way that shouldn't be as alluring as it was, his cheeks were dark pink and his lips were red from their kissing.

Arthur wanted to stare at him forever.

Merlin grunted.

"I can't do anything about my shirt. It's wrinkled as all hell. And our trousers have grass stains. There's no way we can go back looking like this"

"Then maybe we should do as that bloke said and take this elsewhere?"

"Are you really waggling your eyebrows right now" 

They looked at each other and laughed. Arthur reached for Merlin's hand and laced their fingers together, loving the way they fit together.

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours has a bigger bed"

And if the way Merlin's smile made his pulse quicken again and his thoughts stray, then, no one else needed to know.

Back at the party Gwen kept scanning around for any glimpse of Merlin.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you" said Morgana, pecking her cheek

"Oh, but he seemed so upset, I should make sure he's ok"

"Gwen, my dear, don't fret. First, it's our wedding day, so screw everyone else, tonight is for us. And I have to insist, Merlin will be fine. I saw him and my brother a few minutes ago"

"Arthur?"

"Yes, and they didn't look like they would appreciate interruptions" laughed Morgana, mischief twinkling in her eyes

Realization dawned on Gwen's face and she joined her wife's mirth, both laughing to their hearts content.

If Arthur had finally gotten his head out of his arse, maybe they'd have another wedding soon.

Who knew. 

The end


End file.
